Couples Therapy For A Beautiful Disaster


istock_57410370_small-805x536Is your love life a constant struggle between what you desire and what you have settled for? Have you succumbed to unhappiness and want to walk away? There has to be a solution to your problems. They say when we want something with all our heart, the entire universe conspires in helping us to achieve it. Well sometimes you don’t need the universe; you simply need a good couples therapy and the determination to work things out.

“I tried so hard to see beyond the differences, to love him for who he is and not complain about the things that were missing, but all my efforts have been fruitless. This is not what I deserve, I think it’s time to let go and not look back,” she said. As my friend struggled to express in words the blues of her life, I heard the crack in her voice. I felt her struggle to fight the urge to burst into tears, I had never heard a sadder voice before. A week later I saw her in the arms of her forever love, giggling at the way he complimented the blush on her cheek and I smiled at the thought of how your heart melts away to the assurance of companionship, even if that commands for a trip to the downward spiral of your relationship.

Walking away from someone who doesn’t serve a purpose in your life, help you grow or live up to your expectations, has turned out to be an easy option in the contemporary world. But do you look at your grandparents and wonder how amazing it must feel to be willingly tied to a bond till the very end of your journey on earth? Are you awestruck at how they balance their differences and handle the steering of life without falling apart each day? Every time a loving couple makes a proud announcement of the number of years they have completed together our eyes widen at the possibility and we send a silent prayer to the stars, ‘Please bless me with a relationship like that’. What we fail to realize is that behind the walls of all the perfection that our eyes can see, are years of commitment, understanding of one another’s insecurities, accepting the imperfections and probably uncountable nights that turned into mornings weeping their eyes out, fighting between what’s the right thing to do, and what your heart yearns for. Although authors have painted pictures of perfection in our eyes with ultimate love stories like The Titanic and risen the yearning for a love as amazing as Allie and Noah of The Notebook, as heart-melting as Hazel and Augustus from The Fault in our Stars and a love worth fighting for like Edward and Bella from the insanely popular Twilight Saga, it is important to realize when you have crossed the thin line of expectations between reality and imagination.

So if you are willing to fight for your special someone, and put in every effort to give each other a second chance to happiness, Couple’s Therapy could be your magic solution. Do not shudder at the idea of sharing your dilemmas with a therapist. Sometimes an unbiased third person might be the Cupid who can shoot an arrow and bridge the gaps between the two of you. And until you make up your mind for it, here are the simple steps to healing your bruised heart.

Bring down the Walls

You might not have intended to build walls but your defense mechanism does the job for you. Indifference and neglect has the most damaging effect on a relationship. Sometimes you might not even be aware of the reason why you fail to communicate with ease. Is the love of your life too difficult to reach out to? Are they distant, lost in their own world with minimum attention to your needs and desires? It’s a CRY FOR HELP. Building up walls to distance one from their loved ones does not always signify loss of interest or fading love between the two of you, sometimes all your partner needs is a push, a force that brings them back home. Your significant other might have lost sight of who they are beneath the burden of compromises, and failed expectations. Show them the love, and remind them of all the reasons why you chose each other.

Say No to Comparisons

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, even after you have switched sides. Comparing what the two of you have with the bond of others will only make it worse.
Your partner’s qualities are his/her own, similarly are the flaws. If you have the eyes to appreciate what makes them stand out from the crowd, learn to deal with their demons as
well. The only room for comparison in a relationship is within the space you both share. Study what your bond has evolved into over a period of time, your ability to read each other’s mind, and your proficiency in reading between the lines. Comparing what the two of you have evolved into from what you used to be, and working on the negatives together will work wonders for your future.

Embrace the Flaws

The longer time you spent around someone the more exposed you are to their habits. She is not going to look smoking hot when she wakes up in the morning with a messed up hair, and he will not be as resolved a person every time bad luck knocks on his door. At their worst, they will be vulnerable and the air of negativity caused by their emotions might choke your breath. But being a life partner is a lot more than public displays of affection and physical intimacy. Make some efforts to be their strength instead of walking away at the first sight of their insecurities. Marian Keyes, an Irish novelist beautifully stated “Love can only truly be measured by actions. It can be a small thing such as peeling an orange for the person you love because you know they don’t like doing it.

Don’t be too Righteous

Love is blind. Don’t smirk at the thought and label it as an exaggerated philosophy by the Hopeless Romantics. Your struggle to always be the individual who handles every situation in the ‘right’ way (in your opinion) might elevate you in the eyes of the world, but it drives you farther away from your partner who simply expects you to stand by them at their fragile moments. Sometimes your relationship needs your ‘attention’ more than your ‘wisdom’. We do not advice you to be the devil of the story, but isn’t it a lot more satisfying to save your damsel in distress rather than rising to the ‘superhero’ status for the rest of the world?

Acknowledge Your Differences

You dig the chills of winter, he loves an Indian summer. Your heart longs to dive into the depths of an ocean, she wants to spend the vacation in a faraway desert, or amidst historical
masterpieces. You tune into a classic melody for solace, he screams at the top of his voice and jerks his head at the lyrics of Linkin Park. You want a Valentine’s Day cooped up in your bed, watching a romantic movie and spending valuable ‘us’ time, she wants a lavish dinner, infinitesimal moments of your undivided attention in a room full of attractively dressed women. A relationship is all about finding a way to balance your differences. How do you call it love if the feeling does not challenge you to move beyond your comfort zone and do things differently? Accept your differences, a pinch of sugar and spice can make your life a lot more
eventful than it used to be.

And if your conscience is asking you to walk away because you know you deserve better in life, ask yourself a simple question before you take the step towards the door, “Do you simply stop being a child, a sibling, or a grandchild because the people in your family don’t stand up to your expectations every time you need them to?” Why give-up on your partner just because it’s a possible option? Why not strive your best to keep your bond alive? Once you are no longer looking at the eye of the storm, you will be amazed at how strong your bond has become, deriving determination and strength from your ability to withstand the toughest phases of life, together.