A relationship is not an alliance between two people to love, care for, and respect each other and their boundaries. It is something more than that. There are two kinds of relationships, a healthy and an unhealthy or toxic one. A relationship is healthy when both the partners respect and reciprocate each other’s non-monetary investments like love, affection, and time with equal or greater reciprocity than that. It is when not words, but actions and mood convey what one has to say. A relationship sustaining on mutual understanding can tread a longer leap than one with a shaky foundation with a lack of understanding and trust.
The golden mantra to be the sailors of one’s relationship is to “Understand, Synthesize, Talk.” Let us discuss each of them in detail.
Understand: Being understanding is one of the greatest powers humans possess. To understand someone does not necessarily mean to agree with them on every point of theirs but to understand their opinion as one viewpoint whether similar or contrasting to that of yours. The first secret to a healthy relationship is to understand both the people in an alliance as two unique individuals with different viewpoints capable of understanding each other. Getting someone to understand oneself is like exposing a dark reality to them. So, to understand your partner, you must first evaluate how would you be like to be understood by others.
Synthesize: To synthesize means to absorb. To synthesize what someone is saying one needs to be mesmerized by what they are speaking. It is a human tendency to understand a person quicker if they resonate with him or her while taking time to or at times, even not understanding a person at all if they do not feel connected to them. Being able to connect helps one resonate and understand and to ensure that one ought to synthesize. Synthesize their likes, dislikes, and viewpoints. Do not be a people pleaser, but always be a people appreciator. Appreciate others even if you possess the skillset or not. This can be done by spending more time with them to get to know them better.
Talk: The third secret to being the sailor of one’s relationship is to talk and there is no escape to it. Post understanding and synthesizing your partner, you now know what is something that may connect you with them and what is something your both ideas may slightly vary upon. Variations in ideas are normal. It is human. Talking does not deviate you from your partner but bridges the differences and crevices in your relationship, thus, smoothening its sail. Talking to someone you are close to is beneficial. It is therapeutic!
All the three factors- understanding, synthesizing, and talking are crucial to keep the engine of a happy relationship working. If either one of them gets imbalanced, there occurs a disruption in the relationship. They are highly glued by the factor of being translucent with one another. Where transparency and communication are at the core of every relationship, opacity not only hinders trust but also obstructs transparency.
When one achieves the pinnacle of functioning along with all the three elements in synchronization, they unleash the potential to be there for each other. The best relationship thrives between people who do not judge whatsoever. When this element of judgment comes in, the relationship becomes unhealthy. A healthy relationship is characterized by love, trust, respect, and faith. Whereas an unhealthy relationship lays its grounds on in most cases, monetary love or love for pleasure, scepticism, disrespect, and mistrust.
But the question that might now arise is- how do we know if our relationship is pure and eternal or transitory?
One can know whether their relationship is eternal if your partner does not only stand for you but stick by you. There is a difference in both. Standing by someone means simply being there for someone in their highs and lows, ups and downs while sticking by someone means attaching to them and not leaving their stride then whether be it their high or up or even low or down. These are the trivial things by which you either pull up your partner or push down. What are you doing? The little things count.
For a research-based approach to relationships, visit “The Gottman Institute.”
