There is conflict in all relationships. And by conflict, we specifically mean verbal disagreements and arguments. People disagree and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, you have the right to a different opinion from your partner. In a healthy relationship, communication is key. When you communicate effectively, you understand your partner better and make your relationship stronger. When you can resolve conflicts successfully, you are developing a healthy, mature relationship. Wedding Affair brings to you some effective ways to resolve conflicts.
Never Say Never Or Always
When you’re addressing a problem, you should avoid making generalizations about your partner. Statements like “You never help out around the house,” or, “You’re always staring at your cell phone” are likely to make your partner defensive. Rather than prompting a discussion about how your partner could be more helpful or attentive, this strategy is likely to lead your partner to start generating counterexamples of all the times they were, in fact, helpful or attentive.
Talk About How You Feel Without Blaming Your Partner
Statements that directly assault your partner’s character can be especially damaging to a relationship. A more constructive strategy is to use “I statements” and pair them with “behavior descriptions”. I statements focus on how you feel, without blaming your partner, and behavior descriptions focus on a specific behavior your partner is engaging in, rather than a character flaw. However, it should be noted that these direct negative tactics can be constructive — in some situations.
Really Listen To Your Partner
It can be very frustrating to feel like your partner is not paying attention to you. When you interrupt your partner or assume that you know what they’re thinking, you’re not giving them a chance to express themselves. Even if you are confident that you know where your partner is coming from or know what they’re going to say, you could still be wrong, and your partner will still feel like you’re not listening.
You can show your partner that you’re paying attention by using active listening techniques. When your partner speaks, paraphrase what they say — that is, rephrase it in your own words. This can prevent misunderstandings before they start. You can also perception-check, by making sure that you’re interpreting your partner’s reactions correctly. In addition to listening to your partner, you need to take their perspective and try to understand where they’re coming from. Those who can take their partner’s perspective are less likely to become angry during a conflict discussion.
Do Not Show Contempt For Your Partner
Of all of the negative things you can do and say during a conflict, the worst may be contempt. Contemptuous remarks are those that belittle your partner. This can involve sarcasm and name-calling. It can also include nonverbal behavior like rolling your eyes or smirking. Such behavior is extremely disrespectful, and implies that you’re disgusted with your partner. This kind of contempt makes it impossible to engage in a real discussion and is likely to elicit anger from your partner, rather than an attempt to solve the problem.
Don’t Automatically Object To Your Partner’s Complaints
When you’re criticized, it’s hard not to get defensive. But defensiveness doesn’t solve problems. Another destructive, defensive behavior is “cross-complaining,” when you respond to your partner’s complaint with one of your own. For example, responding to “You don’t clean up enough around the house” with “You’re a neat freak”. It’s important to hear your partner out and really consider what they’re saying.
Also Read:Â What to do if your partner is an Introvert
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