POV: You are Dating Someone Older


The heart wants what it wants! It does not work as per any written guidelines, and it does not reflect the differences you hold. The difference in age is one of the things that the heart doesn’t take into consideration but the brain does not work that way. Dating someone who is significantly older than you can at times brings in a situation of conflict. You and your partner can be madly in love and yet not be on the same tangent due to differences in age. Let’s look at the differences you and your partner may face due to differences in age –

  • Mindset
Two people in a relationship might have very different mindsets.

Wisdom does come with age in most cases. Your partner being calmer, composed, and patient while you still have that impulsive headspace can be because of the age you both are at. The way you both view your worlds can be totally different and despite being madly in love the headspace you live in are totally different. Both of you will need to understand that while you are at different stages of life, your brains will function differently, and should NOT create issues.

  • Conflicts
Learn to handle conflicts differently.

The way you both handle conflicts may be totally different, and the things you prioritize also change with your age. A conflict can arise between the both of you due to different priorities. It is very important to have clear communication in order to manage conflicts in different situations. While they may look at things from a bigger prospect, you may focus on what’s in front of your eyes. 

  • Interest
Conflict of interests.

There is a change in your big and small interests with the coming of age. You might want to go out clubbing and party hard on a Saturday night, while your partner might just want to chill and stay home, spend the evening having a homecooked dinner and watching Netflix. Generally in the early 20s, you have high energy and thus you constantly want to try out new things and do something, while in your late 20s and early 30s time you shift to spending time more peacefully. Figure out a common tangent where your interests do not argue, but coincide.

  • Professional Stage
Is profession not a barrier between you two?

Until and unless you are a prodigy, you would be in the early stage of your career in your early 20s, figuring out what you really want to do and switching jobs for better opportunities. While your partner, who might be in the late 20s or early 30s or beyond, might be living a comparatively settled life at a managerial position. The difference in the professional hierarchy also changes the way you think. This should not turn into a competition between you two, but rather teamwork, where while one guides, the other supports.

  • Friends
Try to become friends with their friends.

An important plan of being in a relationship is gelling up with your partner’s friends. You don’t need to be best of friends with them but it is really important that you both enjoy each other’s company. This thing might be a bit difficult if there is an age gap between you and your partner’s friend, as their thought process is a bit different from yours. Catching up with your partner’s friends might take some time, but it is definitely worth it.

  • Family Expectations
Family conversations can be hard to deal with.

The family expectations and responsibilities also change with the change in age. You might not have many responsibilities at your age but your partner may have to look after the expenses at their age. The substantial difference between your and their age can directly mean that both of your family wants different things out of you. Your relationship might also be opposed by either of your families, given the gap. So, be ready for the conversation.

  • Future Plans
Talk about what you wish to do in the future.

People generally look up to different things at different stages of life. While there is no mandated timeline for any stage of a relationship, people generate certain expectations at certain age. While you might not have got married on your card anytime soon, your partner would have different expectations. It is really important that both of you are well aware of what you want out of being together and do discuss your future plans. Talk about how you feel about getting married and even having children.

So, these were the prime scenarios that revolve around a couple who have a gap of a generation between them. If you both can get through this, together, then this is definitely what your heart wants.