Relationships can teach you love, humility, and forgiveness. While breakups can make you stronger, smarter, more in tune with yourself. An important caveat here is that although relationships have the power to school you, they have to be good, healthy relationships in order to give you room to grow during and after them. There are ones that exercise your emotional muscles and force you to introspect. There are others, however, that cause so much pain that you wish you had identified the red flags early on and saved yourself the tears. Here are some red flags you should never ignore.
They think all their exes suck
If your partner claims that all their exes were crazy psychos and you are constantly hearing about it, you should run for the hills. Someone who spends their time fixating on the faults of their former partners probably lacks the ability to look inward and learn from a separation. Besides, one person alone shouldn’t take the blame for a failed relationship. It takes two to tango.
They gaslight you
Gaslighting is unfortunately a fairly common toxic trait to come up in relationships. If you are often made to feel like you’re overreacting, like your display of emotions is ‘crazy,’ or like you can’t safely communicate your wants and needs without feeling invalidated or ridiculed, it’s likely you’re being gaslighted. Tricky to identify, and vastly harmful to one’s sense of self-worth, gaslighting is almost its own category of red flags in itself. Once you start identifying the signs, it’s hard to stop.
Your anxieties and insecurities have increased
If you are in a relationship where you are more anxious than before, your insecurities are heightened, and you constantly feel uncomfortable emotions attached to these mechanisms, that is a glaring red flag. Healthy relationships are supposed to make you feel good about yourself. If your partner does not affirm you and ease your anxieties about yourself, they are not a good partner.
You have to defend them
If you frequently find yourself in a position where you have to defend your partner’s behaviour in front of other people, you should probably chalk that down as a red flag as well. This is especially harmful when your partner’s actions are contentious within the relationship in the first place. If you find yourself explaining your partner’s actions to your friend when you don’t even buy the explanation yourself, you should cut your losses and leave.
Their time and needs trump yours
In a healthy relationship, both partners understand and mutually respect one another’s time and needs. If your needs are always on the back burner, and you feel that your partner does not have the same regard for your time that they expect you to have for theirs, you should consider what that means for your relationship. A good relationship comes from a balance of respect and care, and it can not exist without both people putting in the same amount.
You don’t like their friends
You don’t have to be all buddy-buddy with your partner’s friends all the time. But if you’re in a relationship where you are confused about why your partner keeps their friends around, you should take some time to try to see what you may be missing. Our company says a lot about who we are. If you feel like there is a clash between your partner and their friends, it’s possible there isn’t a clash. You may just not be catching the similarities.
Also Read: Small ways to show that you care
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