How should I start a conversation?

When is the right time to knock off a ‘perfect’ conversation?

What is ‘the right thing’?

These are some of the most frequent questions webbing up the minds of both the bride-and-groom-to-be. Agree with it or not, but we have all wondered if there was a go-to guide for all these too. There is nothing called “a right thing,” the idea of ‘right’ varies from person to person. Believe me, you are not alone. Everyone, at one point or the other, gets thoughts like this. Here are some tips on how one can secure the ‘ring’ by asking the right thing.

“The Five C’s”

An engagement is not only about the “perfect ring” the Cs’ of color, clarity, cut, and carat weight, it means something more than that. It is an affair for a lifetime! Where all the glitter and glam hold a significant show of weddings and the saga. On the other hand, they also thrive on the stepping stones to a successful, according to each individual’s notion of marriage. Decisions as fundamental as finding the right partner, engagement, and wedding can get challenging. There arise many questions that can confuse one, thus questioning the idea of wedding and partner. When you have things sorted and well planned over decisions like this seem easy.

Here are “the five C’s” that influence one’s decisions about having a (meaningful) conversation with their partner-to-be:

1. Connection: Are the bride and groom building a connection? Humans are like pieces of a puzzle. What completes them is ‘the right piece.’ Before anything else, what drives and decides a person’s conversation with their partner is an instant spark of connection. This helps build reliability and trust. Connections like this are feeble and can only be strengthened by trust. It is built at the intersection of mutual interests- likes and dislikes. A connection is formed when two people connect. Both the bride-and-groom-to-be need to connect and resonate with each other to get to know more about each other. This can be done by talking. Fun Fact: The best relations are formed between people who either share the same level of liking for something or hatred, and there is no in-between. Is there a forced or an unforced connection between you and your partner?

2. Care: Does your soulmate care enough for you? Care is an investment. Just like Newton’s Third Law of Motion says, “every action has an equal and an opposite reaction.” Similarly, caring for someone reflects not only the bond from the outside but also from the inside. It is a human tendency to care for people they feel deeply attached. When we care for someone, we start to feel a whirlwind of emotions for them, attached to them. It is then sought in the little joys of life, like understanding the partner and being there for them when they need them the most, despite the odds. Care is the hallmark of love and trust. It influences a person’s decisions about what they seek in their ideal partner. For a couple about to get married, care does not mean attention, but affection.

3. Confidence: Before getting married, do you think you hold enough confidence in your partner-to-be? Just like “ideal” is a controversial term, confidence is too. Confidence is the building block of eternal relations. It is the belief of having complete faith in a person. Even though change is a law of nature, confidence, if won once, withstands every extrinsic factor. The secret to a happy marriage is the level of confidence a person has in his or her partner. Where confidence is won, things seem easy. It is an asset to treasure for life. But, if lost once, can become a liability to any marriage, leading to divorce and internal clashes. For bride and groom, confidence is the means of counting upon each other. If you are getting married soon, ask yourself if you have confidence in yourself and your partner.

5. Camaraderie: You are about to get tied in a relationship, but do you have unparalleled trust in your partner? Camaraderie, though, might look wordy. But it means mutual trust and friendship among people, which is the stepping stone on which every relationship sustains; then be it friendship or marriage. It is observed that when people in a relationship see each other as friends, trust is easy to build. There is proximity and touch. Touch builds Trust. It is also the basic human intellect to first, foster one’s trust in a person before getting too attached to them.

   

6. Comfort: Are you comfortable enough to be vulnerable with your partner? For a bride and groom, comfort means the ease of sharing things unjudged. Vulnerability is a person’s strongest strength and weakest weakness. Comfort is one of the other factors that facilitate one’s decision about having a meaningful conversation with their partner. Comfort drives away discomfort. It gives a sense of belonging and attachment.

   

Where the idea of “right” differs to a substantial extent across people, it is important to streamline it according to one’s partner. This will ensure transparency and credibility. Apart from all these a marriage has much more to it like, commitment and mutual happiness. One should be also mindful of Periodicity, which is the time during courtship or after marriage. In the pursuit of seeking that happiness, mindfulness about the five C’s- connection, care, confidence, camaraderie, and comfort can be helpful. It is at the intersection of commitment and happiness that two people despite how polar apart they are or how well they gel up in their thoughts thrive through all the odds.

For a research-based approach to relationships, visit “The Gottman Institute.”