Mismatched sex drive or libido is not at all uncommon but can strain your relationship if not taken care of.
Partners in a relationship may differ in how much sex and physical intimacy they want. Sexual desire is a very individual thing. It varies from person to person based on multiple factors which can be either physical or psychological or even societal. But no matter the reason, it’s often seen that two people deeply in love fail to match each other’s sexual needs. What makes it even worse is when the partners in love are oh-so-very attracted to each other but the incidence of sexual arousal doesn’t match at all. This is when the couples face a situation which is known as mismatched sex drive or mismatched libido.
Why Does It Happen?
While it is very common in long-term relationships, couples often don’t recognise the heaviness of it and take things lightly resulting in turmoil. First, you need to recognise that it is normal to face a mismatched sex drive, especially after being with one partner for a long time. Our level of sexual desire shifts throughout our lives. Age is one of the most common factors, it can also happen because of stress and physical strain. Hormonal change, which is eventually a result of lifestyle change, medication and ageing, is another factor causing mismatched sex drive. Another common thing that affects the libido of romantic partners is societal facts, primarily seen in couples coming from different backgrounds or cultures.
How Can It Harm Your Relationship?
Mismatched sex drive can be a real villain in a happy relationship as it can easily cause distress on both sides. The partner with a higher libido may feel rejected and the one with a lower libido may feel overwhelmed and guilty. Left unattended for a long time, these feelings can turn into self-consciousness, resentment and bigger consequences in a relationship. Low sexual satisfaction is a known factor to affect relationships negatively. So, it is very important that you communicate with your partner and try to find a solution to mismatched sex drive.
How to Deal with It?
There are several ways couples can reduce sexual discrepancy and improve their sex lives.
Talk about It
Sex is a sensitive subject. But to fix a mismatched sex drive, openly communicating with your partner is an absolute must. Talk about your feelings, desires and reason causing the low libido to understand your situation better.
Be Empathetic
It’s normal that you won’t understand each other’s experiences completely. But when your partner is being vulnerable in front of you and trying to communicate their struggles, empathise with them. Create a safe space for them, listen to them, give them validation and withhold any judgement.
Compromise
Forget the self-love gurus on the internet for a moment and try to find a middle way. Accept the fact that sometimes a person is not as sexual as their partner. Find out each other’s likes and dislikes and meet them halfway to enjoy your sex life instead of mismatched sex drive.
Define Sex for You
Don’t make the mistake of thinking sex is all about penetration. There are multiple options you can explore together to keep things spicy in a long-term relationship. Enjoying these activities together can help you find the lost spark.
Fix a Time
Yes, you heard it right. Sometimes it helps to schedule your sexual activity. In a mismatched sex drive situation, it will help the person with a lower libido to mentally be more prepared and also build some steamy anticipation.
Put in the Extra Effort
Sexual intercourse might last only a few minutes, but the events leading to that can last longer. Take romance into consideration and do things for each other to make them feel special.Â
Seek Help
If nothing else works for you, seek professional help. See doctors or couple therapists who can guide you in the right way.
With healthy communication and some extra care, any couple can overcome mismatched sex drive. Don’t shy away, it’s your responsibility only.
Read More: 6 Healthy Communication Tips for a Mature Relationship
