Sexual desire for your partner ebbs and flows depending on your mood, the season, and how much effort you’ve been putting into your relationship lately. It’d be all too easy to blame the waning sexual desire on the fact that you’ve been together for X number of months/years/decades… but really, sexual desire only drops in relationships when the relationship hasn’t been made a priority in a while. It isn’t the time to blame, it’s the effort that’s being consciously put into the relationship. So without further ado…
Here are a few ways that you can boost your libido and increase your sexual desire on command.
Remove your sexual blocks
Nothing decreases overall sexual desire more than having unresolved internal sexual blocks. Whether you have sexual trauma from a past experience or experiences, heightened performance anxiety, or grew up with a lot of feedback from your parents/friends/community that sex was something dirty, sinful, or wrong in some way… sexual blocks stop your sexual desire upstream. It certainly isn’t impossible to have a high libido with unresolved sexual blocks, but sex is often so much more fulfilling, connected, and blissful when we can show up in bed as we truly are without having to hide behind our blocks.
Wake up your body
With how plugged in we are in modern society (with technology being a constant in our daily lives) it can often feel like we are just a head with hands. We’re so in our heads that we often feel disconnected from our bodies and our hearts. So how exactly do you reconnect with your body? Move. Go for walks. Exercise. Get massages. Pamper yourself by having a regular bath so you can feel the water rippling against your flesh. Soon enough, you’ll move with more confidence, you’ll feel less stressed day to day, and your sexual desire will increase. Wake up to your body, drop out of your mind and into your feeling, sensual self, and your sex life will thank you.
Take orgasms off of the table
By taking orgasms out of the picture, you and your partner are free to fully experience the cyclic sexual pleasure that your bodies naturally want to feel without it being a goal-centric endeavour. If you’ve never experienced extended sexual play without orgasms its highly recommend giving it a shot.
4. Embrace new stimulation and novelty in your bedroom
While routines can make us feel safe and secure in our sex lives, too much predictability can kill our sexual desire. If you can predict your partners every move then it might be time to mix things up a bit. Bottom line: mix it up. Novelty is king when it comes to stirring up sexual desire.
5. Be compassionate with your sexual self
It’s a matter of fact that our sexual desire will ebb and flow depending on certain lifestyle factors that we often have little to no control over. If you get hit with a wave of grief or chronic stress from events outside of your control, your sex drive is going to take a hit. That’s not your fault and hopefully, your partner will be understanding enough to support you through it.
Hug for three minutes straight
This tip isn’t as much about cultivating sexual desire as it is about taking the pulse of your relationship. If you hug your partner for several minutes straight you will be able to pick up on a lot of cues as to how you are both feeling emotionally at that time. Do you feel clingy, or the need to hold them extra tightly? Do they feel disengaged and detached? Do either one of you feel stiff or uncomfortable? Our hugs (and the quality of our physical intimacy in general) can tell us a lot about the state of our relationship. The emotional blocks between the two of you will directly affect your sex life (and overall sexual desire) so this exercise is meant to be a compass that points out how you’re both doing with your feelings of connectedness.