Initially a partner seems attentive, sensitive, and adoring. Yet these traits diminish as the relationship unfolds. One person feels the emotional chasm deeply and is desperate to recover the bond. The other seems cold and indifferent. As one party attempts to dig in and address deeper issues, the other claims everything is fine and avoids any discussion about what he or she is feeling.
Yet the person missing their partner may not have done anything wrong. The rift may be the result of a mismatch in emotional intelligence. Three hallmarks of emotional intelligence include self-awareness, emotional attunement to others (social awareness), and empathy.
At the outset of a relationship, both people are on their best behavior to woo the other. Supportive, complimentary, and kind, a partner may seem as if he or she embodies the characteristics of an emotionally intelligent person. Yet if several key characteristics do not endure, it may indicate he or she lacks the essential ingredients necessary to maintain a healthy and hearty relationship. Three signs may indicate a partner has a low EQ and, therefore, difficulties sustaining closeness in a romantic relationship.
Self-awareness
First, the partner lacks self-awareness. He or she is unaware of the impact that his or her words and actions have on a partner. After saying something insensitive, he or she is often shocked and angry to hear the statement affected the partner negatively.
Detachment from uncomfortable emotions may also indicate a deficiency in self-awareness. Frequently a partner will deflect and project in an effort to avoid uncomfortable emotional states such as accountability and remorse in addition to withdrawing from a discussion to escape feeling discomfort. Both responses may lead to an inability to own one’s part in a conflict and identify the feelings that compel behaviors that hurt a person. The lack of insight may cause this partner to continue repeating the mistake in the relationship.
Emotionally Attuned
Second, a partner who is not emotionally attuned to his or her partner may be missing an essential ability necessary for remaining close. Recognizing a person’s emotional state usually leads to a conscientious response. A failure to do so may breach the connection.
Lack Of Empathy
Third, a partner’s lack of empathy may sabotage the closeness in the relationship. Empathy is the ability to put oneself in someone else’s shoes in order to attempt to truly understand their experience. Resonating with a person’s feeling state allows the partner to feel understood, less alone, and connected to the person who “gets it.” Empathy does not require a partner to fix a person’s problem or provide advice. It simply equates to resonating and communicating an understanding of what the person feels.
Getting close is easy but staying close requires that two people possess certain emotional capabilities. A discrepancy in emotional intelligence may cause a division. An emotionally intelligent partner may face the issue head on and work hard to mend the relationship while a partner with low emotional intelligence wishes to avoid the discomfort necessary to resolve conflict. His or her response may be to abandon the relationship. Two people with low emotional intelligence may be a match, but often the union is superficial and based on a mutual fueling of egos. Nonetheless, if a person feels emotionally abandoned by a partner, it may not be his or her fault. It may be the result of a mismatch in emotional intelligence.
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